No Apologies Needed

Updated: Jan 26

Rather than an apology, what if you created an invitation, born of your generosity of spirit, that invited others into your ideas?

“I won’t take up too much of your time….”

“I just have a few ideas that might be interesting…..”

“I know you’re busy, but….”

“Here’s a little something that I thought could be important….”

How many times have you heard a female colleague express herself this way? How many times and in how many ways have you observed the little cuts women inflict on themselves, trying to make their power and intelligence less threatening?

Apologetic language buffers the anticipated judgement or criticism of others. Physically, women have ways of disappearing, right before our eyes. Yet, when women adopt the behavior they feel will not ruffle feathers, hurt feelings or inconvenience anyone, they find themselves in conflict.

I remember when I was working dramatically with young female singers in my studio, an interesting feeling about physicality would guide my coaching. It would seem as if my student was not squarely standing on the balls of her feet, rather leaning back on her weight, trying to increase the distance between us, almost as a form of self-protection. It was clearly vulnerable to be physically present and on her weight, ready to deal with whatever was in front of her. I would point this out and ask my student to be sure she was standing squarely on her weight, strong in her breath and energy. That slight adjustment would make her feel as if she were falling forward. The body is funny that way; the smallest adjustments can seem huge. And they can have profound impact.

Standing in your power and intelligence can make you feel as if you are falling forward. When you step over the self-imposed line of comfort you draw for yourself, you may be going into uncharted territory. You are then actually granting yourself permission to fall forward, to really show up and it is from this awareness that your impact grows. You stop accepting what you have been told is “appropriate.” You stop judging your instincts in a negative manner and begin to trust them. You begin to recognize what has become diminishing, frustrating, and doesn’t seem to fit. This is not only transforming and empowering, it’s daring and vulnerable.

Rather than an apology, what if you created an invitation, born of your generosity of spirit, that invited others into your ideas?

It may be bold to speak from your heart and to trust your experience and your talent. But remember, no one knows your reasoning, commitment and passion better than you. Refusing to smooth over the landing of ideas with an apology will create a different sense of you in the room. It is in empowering. It demonstrates a recognition of your own value. And you know what? Within this recognition, the essence of you emerges.

No apologies needed.

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